The Older Woman

Hey Doc:

I'm 21 years old and this girl that I've been talking to is turning 28 pretty soon. This girl has been really down on the dumps with personal problems, losing family members, etc. and we've been keeping each other "company" if you will.

I want more than that however. I have a feeling that deep down, she does to. But the age thing comes up every once in a while. So what steps should I take to try to get her to see that we belong together?

Thanks!!
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Hello!

First of all, the age issue isn't an issue at all. It's all in how you handle it. I'd suggest that you simply ignore it entirely unless she brings it up. If she does just say, "You know, I don't plan to make an issue of your being older than I am because it means nothing." In effect, you'll have turned this around into the nothing-issue that it is in a single sentence.

What does trouble me however, is that you've become her friend. That's relationship death! Women don't date their "friends" and use the friends-label as a way of keeping you at arms-length. If you approach her for more, she can say, "Oh, I don't see you like that, you're my FRIEND!"

No man worthy of this girl would put up with that. Many men are too scared to actually approach these girls and be something more. They actually think they can "work it from the inside" by being the nice guy and that somehow the girl will fall in love with them and do all their work for them. Let me assure you of this: that is an absolute turn-off to women. Women don't want guys that are too much of a pussy to tell them what they really want; and do you really think she doesn't know what you want anyway?

I wish guys would get this figured out already. Being her friend may very well prevent you from ever being anything else to her. For much more on this please read my FAQ's at my website: http://beingaman.com and click on "self help".

As to what to do with this I suggest you make a decision for yourself. Are you really going to be this girl's friend or not? If not, then I suggest that you use the "Opening Kiss" technique from my second book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World II". It goes like this:

The very next time you see this girl, don't hesitate even a second. Walk right up to her and kiss her squarely on the lips. Don't make it a little peck like you'd kiss your grandmother, make it a really kiss! Do this before you do anything else.

This is going to help you in many ways, including:

1) You're going to discover exactly what she thinks of you - if you're in the "friend-zone" you'll know it right away.

2) You're going to change any possible friendship into what you really want with her.

3) There's going to be no ambiguity of where you're going.

4) You'll come off as the strong, powerful guy you can be and trust me, she'll be impressed.

5) By putting things out on the table, you both can deal with them - including the age issue - and start building what you really want.

My brother, don't do the friend-thing to yourself. You deserve much better.

Best regards...
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Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2006, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive.Arluene Blog27493
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